Separation and divorce.

[Charlie Chisholm]

Dermot so sorry to here mate .

Been through it 3 years ago and have 2 young kids..

My advice ,,,, Try and sort things out with your wife , if no going back then at least yous can say when kids get older we tried.

Like kel says avoid solicitors they will hang yous out to dry all they want is cold hard cash,( Money Grabbing Xastards , praying on people going through one of the most emotional / stressful times of there life ),,. Everything can be done yourself. Sorry if any solicitors on here just i had a bad one and it cost me .....

Keep friends if yous split, kids are so much happier if mum and dad "appear" to be friends.

Oh and dont sell the bloody car ! I know a muppet who did , he really regreted it ,plus it cost him a few bob more than he sold it for to get it back

Good luck mate

[Kel]

if there is kids involved !
i found these to be helpful...
http://www.cafcass.gov.uk/

They fixed it for me !!!

Crazy thing, dare I say it... Me & the EX talk better now access is sorted. Spent my first Xmas with my son since he was 2. Next year I'll have him chrstmas day, cant wait !!!! He'll be 10 then.

Good Luck Dermot and sorry to hear about it.

[Kel]

Got to say this.

The biggest support I had as my parents live in Devon where from the members of the RSOC not just from Kent but from national members.

They know who they are.

I havent & will never forget that support !

[ian parker]

Dermot, went through it years ago, best advice i can offer is keep the legal side to a minimum, try to resolve any situations reasonably between the pair of you, do not involve the CSA, no need if your sensible with each other, however, one thing i do know, at this time it can be very difficult. Like Ders, i,m happier now than ive ever been, the children come and go between the two houses, no commitments and pressures on each side, as good as it could be i suppose, We drifted apart due to work commitments based on a huge mortgage, big house etc etc, simply grew apart, today, i am happily married now, with very few commitments and a very understanding and supportive wife, who i love dearly, and the kids, their cool and havent been affected too much by it all as far as i,m aware, good luck and keep your chin up, there is light at the end of the tunnel

[Aaron P.]

dermot

sorry to hear this...i aint been through it & hopefully dont ever.
im one of the kids that has suffered from parents seperating....its tough, very tough & pretty emotional....my parents are seperated but still live in the same house under the same roof....both do their own thing & come & go as they please. Although you both are sensible & amicable about it my side of things were shit...i spent 4 yrs in & out of court & now have a barring order against me in the house. My so called mother brought myself & remaining members of the family inc. my dad to court for 4 yrs trying to get us out 1 by 1. there was never any violence or abuse but a 3rd party got involved & it was rubbed in our faces every week etc. my dad is still single & nobody has spoken to my mother in 5/6 yrs. the family home feels like "death", it was not a nice place to be etc when we all lived there. the kids are the most important in this situation as you have said & i hope things work out for you both in the future.

[vinny]

sorry to hear about this dermot, i cant offer any advice and you have already recieved plenty from the guys on here.
but just remember to take everyday as it comes m8 and remember your friends on here are always about to offer surport and maybe put a smile on your face when things arent going to well.

all the best m8

[GP4]

Just a few things I'd throw in Dermot...

1. Don't be too shocked, sensitive or surprised by just how evil the other party may become...your once most loved and trusted friend can often turn out to be your very worst enemy, especially if they have a real ar*ehole of a solicitor. It never ceases to amaze me the depths to which some people will lower themselves to get a better financial deal or merely to emotionally torture the other side...often fuelled by greedy overzealous legal advisors.

2. Make sure you get a clean break agreement sorted 100%...it's incredible just what can rear up and bite you in the backside years later. I've seen claims for half the ex's pensions, new houses, shares etc even 5 or 6 years later when they thought everything was AOK and had moved on with their lives...take nothing for granted, keep records and receipts for everything.

3. As has been said already, it's best to keep it as amicable as you can and involve the solicitors as little as possible as they thrive on other peoples misfortune and misery, they don't give a monkeys for you or your situation and are only interested in increasing their fees...utilise them only for the bare legal neccessities.


You may well be fortunate in as much as it doesn't sound like there's any real animosity between you and your wife...hope you get it sorted as quickly and painlessly as possible mate, for your childrens sake if not your own.

[Kel]

do not involve the CSA ! "£500" a month payment for one son!

I 2nd that, ex go them involved... but they have cause problems between us by not paying my money to her.

Be glad when the goverment close them down.

[RabC-RS2-77]

i think were suppose to be making him feel better not worse, lol..

CSA, was for next, lol...

[AQUA]

Do what i did and don't get married in the first place, and we have three kids!

Marriage as they say is an institution, and those doing it belong in one.

[Dermot]

All good advice lads. Thanks.

CSA doesn't exist here, so maybe that's a good thing.

As I said there are no solicitors involved and we've agreed to try to keep them out and hammer out our own deal. A good friend of mine is a solicitor, and he said "I hope not to hear from you"

[RabC-RS2-77]

CSA doesn't exist here,

well it use to cos i use to shag a bird in magaluff years ago,
who worked in the offices in belfast....
we did av the craic on that holiday !

(inside info, lol.).......................

[Dermot]

well it use to cos i use to shag a bird in magaluff years ago,
who worked in the offices in belfast....
we did av the craic on that holiday !

(inside info, lol.).......................

Rab, not sure how to break this to you but Belfast is in another country

[RabC-RS2-77]

Rab, not sure how to break this to you but Belfast is in another country

i bet thats why her dad slammed the phone
down on me then when we got back, lol.

well that side of the water i meant, lol... ...

[topaz]

this irish bird must of made an impression on old Rab, he has told this story umpteen times now.