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Yes folks, its that time of year again when predictions for 2011 are aired 
hope you enjoy, lets see what comes true come December 2011
hope you enjoy, lets see what comes true come December 2011
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JANUARY “Every day is like Sunday”
It’s mid January and Deb’s and Taffr proudly announce that they are expecting their second birth, and a scan revealed its Triplets!! Taffr comments that with the daily double dose of Viagra he feels like superman and cannot get enough of the magic potion. The man is sex mad!!
Rumours abound that Morrissey will announce a nationwide UK Tour for 2012
There are concerns as to the whereabouts’ of Series X NUB, not sighted for many months now, has it been stolen, borrowed, or merely sold on ?
Bobby ‘Lurve’ was delighted with his rallying debut on the Christmas stages and wonders if the tyres will be suitable for the forthcoming Wyedean rally, if not he knows of someone in Cumbria who will buy them.
Seb Loeb wins the 2011 I.R.C. and in an effort to save Fuel, he is also awarded the 2012 title
A record 28 Australian members join the Rallye Sport Escort (R.S.E.) BB for January, where are they all coming from (Australia, obviously)
Paul Ruddy buys the Pope mobile, however does not get far when he puts the incorrect fuel in the tank, and quickly ends up selling it.
Custom announces he is standing for parliament with the newly formed ‘Silverback party’ expect to see his manifesto on billboards nationwide.
On the opening round of the BTRDA rally championship, Grum, RichyC, Tim and Dave RS1800 A.K.A. The southern softies, start a riot on the rally stage when they annoy a crowd of enthusiastic spectators who had been patiently standing there for 3 hours. “Get out of the way” shout the spectators; “do you know who we are?” shout back the Southern softies.
Kev Frosticles Announces “This will be the year I get back to full time employment” and quickly receives an invitation to perform ‘Live at the Apollo’ to join the other stand up greats.
In a bid to forget the embarrassment of 2010, Chris ‘Fat Cat the Rat’ pledges to help fellow RSE (Rallye sport Escort) members on stage rallies and offers to assist where he can and how he can in a bid to stop further pee taking.
In the January sales John Lewis stores are selling reproduced MK 1 escort wings.
AndyC considers a Career change following announcements from the M.O.D. about cutbacks and starts a journey of a succession of job trials, landing a plum spot in Covent Garden as a mime artist
Tip of the Month from RS2k “leave plenty of Moss, straw, and paper shreds outside dry stored for the birds to help build warm nests”
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FEBRUARY “The more you ignore me, the closer I get”
Following his latest transfer, South American footballer Ravardo’s needs to renew his passport, however is faced with a dilemma as to which of the 5 most recent photographs to use on his new passport
The FIA announce that new alternative Fuels are to be allowed in rally championships in a bid to bring costs down. Ford is considering electric power, and Prodrive- Mini Calor Gas. Citroen confirm that they will fuel their new car on Gauloises and carry the new sponsorship for 2011
Disillusioned with street mime, AndyC transfers to the Army bomb Disposal Squad but is somewhat put off by the practical test and the tomfoolery of his workmates
Mctaff announces plans for the latest Book, ‘Rallying in llangorse’
It is rumoured that Banksy could be the new owner after NUB was spotted in a London Art gallery,!!
With his ever growing Fleet of old Fords, Aled opens up in business doing wedding car hire and is booked Solid until February 13th. He turns down Chris ‘Fat Cat the Rat’s offer to be chief re fueller of the Fleet of wedding cars on the basis that the bride and groom would like to turn up at the church.
The Taffs are seen re-visiting the locations of the conception of little future Taff’s, and even get a spot of palm reading done on the future.
In true Beckham fashion, the baby will be named Pembrey.
Danni Minnogue joins the R.S.E. bulletin board
Frosty gets annoyed when he awakes to a snowy afternoon and finds that Chesney has been up to mischief earlier that day.
Tip of the Month from RS2K “Always use axle stands when working under the car”
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MARCH “There is a light that never goes out”
As they prepare for the 2011 concours season, Dave Robinson (AKA Dave1800BDA) and Kevin Curtis (AKA Modena Green) plot to enter and win every concours event of the year. “Today England, tomorrow, the world” is the motto for the southern bufty BDA boys as they prepare to set off on the nationwide campaign.
Rolf Harris Joins the R.S.E. bulletin board
Deb’s buys Taffr a new suit to accompany his high sexual drive
Aled is unsuccessful with the royal wedding car tender contract after it is announced that the WRC Rally drivers have formed a chauffeuring / wedding car business as it is pointless continuing with the WRC until Loeb retires, and were the winning Bid for the royal duties. Aled does not take the news well, but was fortunate that the Works team members were in the area and found him in the nick of time.
At the opening round of the British Rally championship and Tim, Grum, RichyC, and Dave RS1800BDA visit Scrutineering to get some pictures and barge past the enthusiastic and patient fans who had been queuing for hours, with dire consequences.
Liddle announce that they too, now stock reproduced MK 1 Escort wings.
Its Racing fever as a new championship race is announced at Aintree, “The Paul Spence handicap Hurdle”
Controversy surrounds the results though when all entrants were found to have passed a dope test, although five were tested positive for Chop death sauce. The Winning Transvestite ‘Voddy’s my tipple’ was sold Moments after the victory by owner Kevin Frost.
After months of tests, Italian doctors treating Italian Prime minister Silvio Berluscino have advised more Roughage and fibre in his diet for the next Six months. Taffr is rumoured to have offered the Italian PM with his personal life for a period.
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APRIL “Something is squeezing my skull”
Paul Spence wins the ‘Man of the Tour’ prize at the lakes tour 2011 for producing Homemade Vodka, not only can you drink it, but it was also used to fuel the cars, fire up the BBQ and used to wash the drains down after it was all over.
Miniliteman receives a strange Throttle part delivered from Nottingham in the post.
On return from the Lakes tour, custom stops off to assist a mate jump start his superbike
Dave is consumed with grief and uses his parliamentary Bill board budget to contribute to the cost of replacing the superbike.
AndyC quits his trial with the Bomb Disposal and instead transfers to the RAF as an air traffic controller back at RAF St Athan. Foxes leave the Barry area in huge packs.
Loeb arrives at Westminster cathedral with HRH Prince William in the back of the car; he is, however over an hour ahead of Mikko Hirvonen who is chauffer to Kate Middleton. Mikko blames it on Wrong tyres that he borrowed from Bobby Lurve; Petter, meanwhile , has HRH the Princess royal in the passenger seat and needs little encouragement to break the speed limit and handbrake around Nelsons column to the roar of his follower’s, he does however have a huge moment when hitting some Pigeon shite in the braking area. Mathew Wilson is held up by protesting students who all look older than him. Ken Block meanwhile is spotted attempting to launch his Fiesta across the Thames estuary with a very worried prince Harry in the passenger seat.
Following his success on the lakes tour, Spence takes his latest offering of home Brewed ‘Voddy’ down to the local Indian curry house in the hope of obtaining an exclusive supply deal, however he forgets to warn the owner the dangers of Smoking and drinking the ‘Voddy’
Another 16 Australian new members to the RSE BB this month
Taffr proudly announces the formation of ‘the Cannon Club’ and it holds its first meeting of 2011
The canon club also announce the first annual club photographic competition will take place during July
Meanwhile outside Sarah Fergusons the Duchess of York’s house, her driver is kept waiting for the royal wedding journey as she waits nervously inside upon hearing the news that her chauffer wants to spread his ‘LURVE’
The F1 season gets underway with a full grid of teams, however confusion reigns as the teams are either named ‘Lotus’ or ‘Mercedes’
Details have been released regarding Britain's introduction of the next generation of fighting ships: The Royal Navy is proud of the cutting edge capability of the new fleet of Type 45 destroyers.
Having initially named the first two ships of this class HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the HM Ships naming committee have, after intensive counselling, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence.
The final four ships are to be named HMS Empathy, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist.
Costing £750 million, they have been designed to meet the needs of the 21st century; in addition to state of the art technology, weaponry, and guidance systems, the ships will comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights legislation.
They will be able to remain at sea for several months and positively bristle with facilities.
For instance, the new user-friendly crow's nest comes equipped with wheelchair access.
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MAY “First of the Gang to die”
Chaos looms in the UK skies as AndyC begins his basic training in air traffic Control
The start of the Welsh rally is imminent, and Southern softies leader RichyC states he is ready for any eventualities this year
Kevin Frost puts his entire Family up for sale. All proceeds will be used to buy wiring loom components for his red flat Front RS2000.
On a trip to Holland, BB Celebrity stalker Graham John Finally meets Leon van Mullicom, A.K.A. Minilite man, and is delighted to make the long awaited introductions.
The WRC regulars agree to resume the championship after they realise Loeb was going to win the newly announced ‘undertakers championship’.
Meanwhile, the Royal Navy announce further innovations for the next fleet of type 45 destroyers:
‘Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day, and each ship will have its own onboard industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexuality and disability. Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week in line with Brussels Health & Safety rules even in wartime!
All bunks will be double occupancy, and the destroyers will all come equipped with a maternity ward and crèche, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be allowed in the wardroom and messes.
The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation, out goes the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced by Perrier water.
All notices on boards will be printed in 37 different languages and Braille. Crew members will no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches - this applies equally to the women.’
There is outrage at the latest billboard campaign to attract interest in the International Red Cross as it broadens its attempts to enrol more mature male Volunteers. Founder member of the Dorset Red Cross Brigade Grum commented”it is nothing but a cheap trick to show a picture of a scantily clad Nurse”
Taffr announces the latest RSE group buy having struck a deal with Zanussi.
Did someone mention they were for Dishwashers?
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JUNE “The youngest was the most loved”
The Viagra machine , AKA superman Taffr take to the skies to meet up with AndyC at RAF St. Athan, however whilst guiding Taffr ‘in’ to Welsh airspace AndyC forgets to tell him of the new high rise training centre at the airbase.
Apparently it’s not the only large recent erection in the area!
June’s Top tip from RS2K this month “If you have a problem with ants in your home, sprinkle cinnamon around on the floor and behind cabinets where you think ants are coming in”.
Lotus and Mercedes win the British grand prix
After 23 years, Frosticles finally wires up his spot lights and tries them out in Ilkeston high street on a Friday night.
Grum unveils his 10 year restoration project and comments “Not long now”
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JULY “Last of the famous, international playboys”
Chris ‘WelshRS’ announces his new project, and starts a new resto thread with a load of pictures of strange, obscure parts asking if anyone can suggest what he builds. KL said he doubts it will be legal for appendix 2 whatever it is anyway.
Meanwhile AndyC acknowledges he probably needs more practice in his new job of ‘directing in’ Air traffic.
Jason Donovan becomes the Escort MK 2 registrar however there is concern expressed what his expenses are likely to cost.
Newest ‘Canon club’ member GazW submits his life size photographs in the clubs first photographic competition on the theme of ‘Small images’
However Kryten, Macjam, Marchy all protest citing that GazW had used a telephoto lens.
Alancdavis finally sells his four winter tyres.
Tip for the Month from RS2K “remember to take your spectacles off before you wash your face”
N.I. R.S.E. member Pushrod is once again plagued by Wasps nesting in the loft at home, this time however he has a more permanent plan to get rid of the unwanted pests.
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AUGUST “Hold on to your Friends”
To ensure they win the WRC manufacturers championship, M Sport recruit two new technicians to oversee the fuel requirements for the new Fiesta, fortunately one is local from Whitehaven, thus saving on travelling costs, and the other from the Cardiff area of South Wales which should assist with local knowledge for Wales Rally GB
To ensure Safety for MOD staff, super heroes, and Civilians, AndyC takes a transfer to the vast open spaces of the National game reserve in Kenya to hone his skills as an air traffic controller; everyone agrees that surely there is enough open space to train successfully and safely here.
Meanwhile, back in human form, it appears no one or nothing is safe from the sex machine know as Taffr................
The Canon club photographic competition contest protest is upheld and the winner is eventually announced as GazW, after receiving his first prize of a works replica Escort Mk 2 rally car GazW is delighted and drives back home to Lilliput lane and parks the car safely in his Garden.
Minilite man announces that “there are still some ‘works team’ 2011 calendars left”
Graham John announces that “just a few Escort 30th anniversary books remain, place your orders soon”
NUB is spotted at the Gates of Fords HQ in Essex and the Essex women go wild for the old skool ford as rumours persist it has returned to its spiritual home
Spence Attempts to sell his wares down at the local Asian cuisine, however Mr. Holyfuk resorts to emergency measures after just one glass of Spence’s Voddy
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SEPTEMBER “That’s how people grow up”
Rolf Harris PM’s Chris ‘WelshRS’ and asks “Can you tell what it is yet”
Tesco announce double club card points on all sales of reproduced Escort MK 1 wings.
On the Manx rally there is unrest at the drivers Briefing when Team Southern softies turn up and seat themselves in four reserved seats at the front of the forum
Kev Frosticles finally pays Taffr for his works team pin badges. Taffr Abstains from Sex for the rest of the month in disbelief.
AndyC decides that being an air traffic controller is not really suited to him after the latest guidance in of a light aircraft caused upset for RSE BB member Graham John
WRC Organisers announce a brand new Rally for the end of the year, starting in Peckham; the ‘Trotter’ rally will take in three blasts down the Elephant and castle, and a service halt at Deptford. Event spokesman Rodney Plonker comments that “Interest has been high, especially from the Chelsea Cruise lot”
Dave custom strike’s a last minute deal to help his parliamentary aspirations get underway, with a ‘Two bill board for one price’ offer, however with only one suitable photograph available he puts something completely unconnected on the first poster so as not to cause confusion.
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OCTOBER “I’m throwing my arms around Paris”
Barry ’Resident ‘ and well known Television personality GabeC is parachuted into the set of ‘I’m a Celebrity, get me out of here’ and is tipped hot favourite to win, there are concerns however that he has smuggled in 59 number 1.18 scale model cars, 18 number autobiographies, 17 calendars for the celebrities to sign for him.
In Newbury, the Family Cat sits nervously as it hears Taffr is on the way home for the evening and fancies some pussy
......................And the ‘STUD’ himself denies gossip that he is becoming Vain
RS2K wins an award for his latest tip “One way to keep ****roaches from coming in your home, close up any small cracks or gaps in your home. Where pipes come in your home, fill this with caulking.
At the launch in Brecon of the latest rallying book by Mctaff, “To llangynidr and back” there is concern when AndyC turns up with a few 1.18 scale model cars in bags to be signed by the evening guests and celebrities.
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NOVEMBER “The Boy racer”
AndyC is successful in his interview as her majesty’s armed forces Health and Safety officer, first though he has to make a metal cabinet to keep all the paperwork safe as a trial to see if he would be a good H & S Officer.
Although it’s an early harsh winter here in the UK it’s a glorious summer in OZ, therefore the Rallye Sport Escort ‘Southern’ Bufty Boys ‘Dave 1800BDA’ and Kev ‘Modena Green’ prepare to head down under to enter the concours and show them Sheila’s “how it’s done”.
Disaster on Wales Rally GB for Ford and Msport when the two title leading Fiesta are out of the championship due to a re fuelling mix up, one of the cars received Diesel instead of petrol, the other nothing at all.
Remanufactured Escort MK1 wings are now available from Argos.
Taffr gives an insight into the ideal breasts for a woman
Fast Eddie finally has some good luck when he purchases Vinny and Lee Bish’s cars in the deal of the Decade.” I can’t believe my luck has changed at last” shouts a delighted Eddie. To celebrate he signs up to do a charity freefall skydive, however Eddies good luck deserts him seconds from what looked to be a successful attempt
RS2K top Tip for November “Save money on a bigger TV by simply moving the couch closer to your existing one”.
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DECEMBER “In the future when all is well”
Morrissey announces 2012 UK tour
GabeC wins ‘I’m a celebrity, get me out of here’
Taffr Gets excited as ‘the heads’ appear. “Not much longer now, babies are never overdue” he comments.
Disaster strikes at the Australian all Ford Show when the English BD ‘pommes’ suspect sabotage with the cleaning equipment when their crate of polish mysteriously tips over, emptying the contents all over the grass. Back in the UK, R.S.E. members wait patiently for further news as the crisis unfolds.
However, combining their remaining cleaning fluids enables the BD boys to continue and both are jointly awarded Car of the Day 2011 for such shining gleaming examples of the Marque and true friendship
RSE bulletin board Regular Rolf Harris is inspired by the tale of camaraderie, hard work, dedication and friendship between the two BDA boys and pens a song especially for them.............
♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪
Two little boys had BDA toys;
each one wore Denim, shorts.
Gaily they shone, each summer's morn,
Bufties, both of course.
One little chap then, had a mishap,
Autoglym; he had none,
Wept for his toy then cried with joy
as his BDA playmate said:
"Did you think I would leave you crying
when there’s a load more, in my pram.
Come up here, pop, and stop that crying
I’ve enough for us both, wee man.
When we grow up we'll both do concours
and our BD’s will not be toys,
and I wonder if we'll remember
when we had BDA toys."
Long years passed, Concours at last,
bravely they trailered, the cars.
The Aussies roared loud, the judge stepped from the crowd,
getting ready for his day.
Up goes a shout, Kev Curtis looks about,
out on the floor it falls,
Autoglym gone, the car half done,
and then came a voice he knew:
"Did you think I would leave you crying,
when there's room in my boot for more?
Over here Kev, we'll soon be vying
we can both win an award or two
did you see ‘Pop’ I'm all a-tremble
Perhaps it's the engines noise
But I think it's that I remember
When we had BDA toys
One more Verse..............
Do you think Kev, the judge is prying
thinks it strange that my Cams are Two
what’s your score Kev, do I keep trying
is the winner, a car in Blue,
Can you feel Kev I'm all a tremble
my BD’s the colour of a London bus
so why does, everyone ask me
if it’s really a popular plus" ♪♪
AndyC becomes UK prime minister and comments on the new Royal Navy type 45 destroyers "While the ships reflected the very latest of modern thinking they were also capable of being up-graded to comply with any new legislation.
His final words were "Britain never, never, never waives the rules!"
There is patriotic surge down under that Dave 1800BDA and Modena Green become Honorary Australian Bufties and the pair are awarded the Freedom of OZ, the news is greeted well on the cricket pitch at the 20/20 test series as the announcement is made over the PA system.
At the start of the London – Mexico Rally 2011 there is widespread violence on the start ramp as, DaveRS1800, Grum, Tim and RichyC AKA the Southern softies attend the Trafalgar square regularity section
As a gratitude to the Australian hospitality, Dave 1800BDA and Kevin ‘Modena Green’ Curtis present latest Australian RSE member Kylie a special Christmas present. The bear is quoted as saying “I should be so lucky, lucky lucky lucky,......................”
Top tip of the month from RS2K “Ladies, Avoid the confusion of not knowing which lane to be in at roundabouts by simply taking the bus and selling your car”.
Another heavy fall of snow takes us into the winter; meanwhile Taffr has been busy building snowmen
Ford and Msport unveil their challenger for the end of year ‘Trotter Rally’ starting in Peckham
In recognition of his outstanding contribution to Anglo Australian relations, R.S.E. member Rolf Harris is announced as Works driver. M Sport Boss Malcolm Wilson is quoted as saying “Jake the Peg was always my favourite and the best things come in three, hence the connection with the new rally car for Rolf”
Paul Spence has a clear up after his Christmas house warming party
Morrissey cancels 2012 UK tour
The black beauty nears completion, “not long now” quotes Graham John
Organisers of the BTRDA successfully identify the Ringleaders of the southern softies and a bounty is placed on their heads, dead or alive. The Duo are pictured, Defiant as ever.
Roll on 2012 eh!
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Finally...............................
hope you had a laugh guys, if you didnt make it this year, there is always next................
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spot on son - big laff out loud moments there - gazw photos classic
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