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Best Before 25/11/2010
The funeral will be held at Norfolk crematorium, 11am, gasmark 6, for 3 hours.
The funeral will be held at Norfolk crematorium, 11am, gasmark 6, for 3 hours.
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Difficult roads often lead to beautiful places -
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Apparently Bernard Matthews isn't being buried or cremated, he always wanted to be stuffed...........
SteveComment
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Post mortem just finished on Bernard Matthews. Giblets in or giblets out?
Please no more Bernard Matthews jokes. Even if we have to go cold turkey.
Rumour has it that James Blunt will perform at Bernard Matthews funeral.
Details are currently unclear about which song he'll sing.Mark....Comment
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i wonder which oneOriginally posted by Mexicomark View PostPost mortem just finished on Bernard Matthews. Giblets in or giblets out?
Please no more Bernard Matthews jokes. Even if we have to go cold turkey.
Rumour has it that James Blunt will perform at Bernard Matthews funeral.
Details are currently unclear about which song he'll sing.
Difficult roads often lead to beautiful placesComment
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Aparently there will be no hymns at Bernard Matthews' funeral next week
the whole service will be conducted by drummerssigpicComment
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brilliant
“The great thing about the sierra is, it has all the mechanical simplicity of a knife and fork” Quentin WillsonComment
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All birds are welcomeDifficult roads often lead to beautiful placesComment
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Was it fowl play? and I bet he'll have an expensive funeral though, horse drawn hearse, loads of wreaths, plenty of mourners, all the trimmings!Difficult roads often lead to beautiful placesComment
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At least the jokes on here aren't as dry as one of his f**king awful tasteless turkeys and this year he didn't see xmas, usually it was just the Turkeys!!!Comment
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"BOOOTIFULL" jokes keep em coming
sigpicComment
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THE POPE VISITS EAST ANGLIA
The Pope vists East Anglia, and Bernard Matthews goes to see him. Bernard says "You may not know me, but I am the biggest turkey farmer in Europe, and I need your help."
The Pope says "Speak my child; if I can guide you, I will".
Bernard says "All I want is one word; if you change 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily turkey', it will stick in people's minds. Frequency of turkey purchase will go up and I'll be sorted.
The pope shakes his head. "The Lord's prayer is a great unshakeable tradition of the church; we couldn't possibly change it".
Bernard says "OK, OK, I'll give you 15 million a year for 12 years"
The pope starts to soften "Well...I suppose we could change it to 'give us this day our daily bread AND turkey'..."
Bernard gets desparate and pleads. "Look, this is my best offer. 20 million pounds a year for the first five years, then going up by five million pounds a year, and so on each five years, for 20 years. That's really the best I can do."
The pope smiles at Bernard and says "I shall help you. Go in peace". The two shake on it to seal the deal, and Bernard leaves.
The next day the pope returns to the Vatican, and immediately calls a gathering of the cardinals. They gather together and the Pope says "I've got good news, and bad news. The good news is I've got us 20 million pounds a year..."
A gasp echoes round the chamber, and one cardinal says "That is excellent your holiness, but what's the bad news?"
The pope replies, "We've lost the Hovis account."
cheeRSsigpicComment
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Bernard Matthew's family are said to devastated after reading the will.
He only left a poultry amount
cheeRSsigpicComment
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The coroner has just advised Bernard Matthews' family to get a small coffin as the body is only 3 stone after they drained the water out him.
cheeRSsigpicComment
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As ststed it will be a BOOOOOOOTIFUL day
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Back with a MK1Comment
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