what does 2010 hold in Store for ourselves................

[graham John]

Yes, its that time when the very own RSE BB 'Sceptic peg' looks into the future and attempts to forsee the events and happenings of the next twelve months....................................


January
January starts as December ended, with worldwide financial cutbacks and cost savings to help re build the economy.
Graham John advertises the last of the few Escort 30th anniversary books for sale, only a few left now
James Cordon announces that despite the huge success, there will be no further episodes of Gavin and Stacey
Following the success of the Christmas specials, the new Dr Who is unveiled, unfortunately due to BBC financial cut backs the Tardis has had to be scrapped, however the new Dr comes up with a transport plan of his own.




Aled announces that all future Christmas’s are banned. To celebrate, Aled attends his first show of the season, and he will however support birthday parties as long as they are not in December.
Tim announces that his Fiesta ST is the best Car he has ever driven, however he will remain loyal to the AVO club.
Sebastian Loeb wins 2010 and 2011 world rally championships
Topaz receives an unusual new year’s family, gift, no; it’s not the latest Apple iphone but an acoustic guitar.
Purely on his artistic brilliance, Grum is awarded contract by FOCA to design, paint, and construct the winner’s podium at all 2010 grand prixs
Friends await Spence’s discharge from hospital after his Christmas Vodka challenge (below), Frosticles wishes he had a camera like that for Christmas; however his family missed the hint


January ends on a cold weather front

[graham John]

February

February
A new section of the RSE bulletin board is created, called ‘loose Men’. The panel comprises Dave1800BDA, Frosticles, Paul Spence and Terry Wogan who has recently purchased Louie’s Mexico. It is live around each midday, for the Day shift.
GazW starts his new Job cleaning out the air conditioning fan filters in Renault espace people carriers




Schumacher tests the new McLaren and says “it maybe can get me on the podium during 2010”
Due to cut backs in the Armed Forces, TaffrR reluctantly has to leaves the Army “there is surely a million£ to be saved if we just disconnect the Telephone in AndyC’s Barry office alone” he protests.
Not ageism, but purely due to Salary cut backs at the BBC, Basil Brush becomes the new host of ‘The weakest link’ A BBC spokesperson Commented ”We needed someone ginger and with a Sly wink to help make the show a little different”



Aled completes his 12th show of the year

At the priory, the clean up begins after Spence two weeks in rehab


the weather gets colder

[graham John]

March

March
Minilite man advertises last of the 2010 calendars for sale, just a few left now.
Its Britain’s got talent time, and several RSE BB contributors turn up for auditions, bizarrely they all turn up with the same theme of act, i.e. their talent is their resemblance to their pets


Custom o neil



TaffR



GazW



Hally



Spence




Sebastian Loeb wins the RBS six nations Rugby championship
TaffrR Finds Job as ‘Vacuum cleaner parts’ salesman, he tells wife Deb that it ‘Sucks’
Daleks invade the planet zog and successfully establish base camp there; Dr Who was unable to rescue the inhabitants when the new form of transport develops carburettor trouble.
Due to Salary cut backs, Schumacher will race at McLaren wearing his 2006 Ferrari overalls
In Ireland, the bidding for a Group 1 dipstick and filler tube reaches dizzy new heights and shocks the RS world as the payment transaction occurs




Kevin Curtis announces on the BB that he has a small **** to exhibit; everyone is shocked and mystified at this weird announcement.
Wogan sells his Mexico to sir Ranulph Fiennes who aims to conquer Snowdonia in September
Children everywhere sob in disbelief as a naked picture of sooty and sweep appears in newspapers.


Hottest March since records began

[graham John]

April

April
The first of the summer shows, and AndyC / NUB manage to travel 300 miles in total on only 5 gallons of fuel. The breakdown truck, however, on the return journey used 18 gallons due to the weight of NUB’s newly painted blue engine
Graham john makes last advertisement for escort 30th anniversary book, just a couple left for sale.
On the newly designed F1 winner’s podium, Schumacher takes the spoils, however Bernie Eclestone has some concerns if Grum has earthed the podium’s electrics correctly




Following yet more aircraft security fears, TaffR lands the top Job as airport head of security UK; however airport chiefs are concerned that TaffrR is not blending the security operations into the background for the passengers and easing their security concerns


The Easter special of Gavin and Stacey attracts top viewing audiences in the UK

Stunned at Kevin Curtis‘s comments, around the Globe world leaders are attempting to guess the size of the ****
An Eastern prime minister is asked his views


Castro gives an opinion


President Putin offers his advice whilst interrupting a scuba diving holiday



There was no weather in April

[graham John]

May

May
Marky4 buys Kev Frosts Sat Nav system off him and takes him Six hours to get home from the local shops in Basingstoke thus beating his previous time.
ITV celebrates 30 years of the cult children’s TV series Tiswas, and the phantom flan flinger reveals herself after rumour and speculation from all those years ago




TaffrR suggests to the M.O.D a business proposal, if they give him his job back, he has an idea for improved combat transport to save £ millions on the budget and help get this country back to where it belongs. The M.O.D. shows interest in the proposal.

Tim wins Britain’s got talent



Basil Brush meets an untimely end whilst holding auditions for ‘The weakest link’ in Barry, early reports are unclear at the moment but paramedics at the scene heard Mr Brush mutter something about Mandy.........before passing away. Police are trying to track relatives of Mr Brush, however they are completely foxed.


The lakes tour, and after an evening of vodka and fun, Spence clearly didn’t find the explosive trick cigarette joke very funny



AndyC renames his house in Barry ‘Green Flag’ in recognition of all the support of the staff who work in the recovery industry, meanwhile back at work the M.O.D. face cutbacks and have to relocate AndyC to a new office minus desk, chair, heating and laptop




Aled wins award for furthest travel to a car show in Powys, his 23rd of the season.

The build up to Spence’s birthday begins in earnest, as breweries go into mass overtime



May the sun shine be with you

[graham John]

June

June
Fed up at the constant jokes about his ability to drive in a straight line and late breaking, Frosticles sells the Red Mexico and becomes a commercial pilot



Against all the odds, Schumacher wins yet again, this time, F1 safety expert Prof. Sid Watkins asks lots of questions about the earthing on the podiums electric systems


Frosticles gets his long awaited birthday present of a camera from his wife, Helen
Banishit becomes an RSOC BB moderator

By the light of the silvery moon.........oh june

[graham John]

July

July
Graham john ‘Finds’ another lost batch of the Escort 30th anniversary book, however due to their rarity, they are expected to sell fast, best get your order in lads.

It’s Paul Spence Birthday, as a treat he has a haircut and the Vodka factories justify the three months overtime that their employees have enjoyed in the build up


The party commences and Spence orders two rounds of lager, one for himself, and one for Dave1800BDA





Frosty is sick


At the British MOTO GP, Valentino ‘The doctor’ Rossi is asked if he has any idea on the size of Kev Curtis’s ****, and having once bought some bonnet catches off Kev at Donington several years earlier, thinks he can give a good guess



In the build up to the Japanese GP, organisers of the local shottokan karate school ask if Grum can wire the pressure pads on the fall mat in preparation for the GP karate display,

However there again concerns about the live and Neutral connections


TaffrR resumes work at the MOD and loans them his entire Fleet of Escorts, thus saving millions with the budget cuts and also utilising some reliable transport for the Troops, however the MOD reject the additional offer of a Loan of NUB, an escort notorious on reliability, commenting that the Army would not be able to afford the Breakdown fee’s.
The summer special of Gavin and Stacey breaks all time viewing figures, Sebastian Loeb plays a small cameo role as a taxi driver with a mk 2 RS2000, and whilst on a fare between Barry and Essex, gets diverted via Northampton where he wins the British grand prix at his first attempt with the RS. Tidy like.
AndyC becomes best man at the wedding of the operations director of the AA breakdown services
Topaz releases cover version of the Johnny Cash album ‘The man in black’

Spence causes mayhem when he attempts to like a cigarette after a big session on the Vodka



July, and the Snow just gets deeper

[graham John]

August

August
WelshRS builds his new project, a Subaru Justy, and utilises as many escort bits as possible. I.e. Princess four pots, TR7 brake drum back plate rubbers, Vauxhall SE engine, rally design petrol tank, Burtons pedal box, nine cibies, Capri axle and so on.
Grum resigns from His FOCA contract and resumes his usual Day Job, and issues new product catalogue for his core business



Enduro receives his long awaited book of instructions from Grum, How to wire an alternator in two easy steps





Gaz attends his fist show of the season, out in the Gobi desert and gets annoyed when he cannot see much, however he discloses he is saving for a new project

AndyC has a new avatar to update his BB profile, and changes his BB user name from AndyC to his real name of ACorne



Its August, and time for Holidays

[graham John]

September

September
GazW W has saved enough money for his new project, two ink refills for his printer. With the remaining change, he purchases a pair of strong shoelaces.
Sebastian Loeb wins the Ryder cup
Following a general election over the expenses Scandal, the country votes in the newly formed ‘Young Custom’ party, named after its leader




Dubbed operation ‘Henry the Hoover’, A Fleet of RS2000’s are transported to Afghanistan, some not even requiring camouflage, scores of Taliban are injured when the SAS drive into their camp, handbrake turn, and get the arse end sideways, blinding them all with the dust.

Graham john turns up at DaveBDA’s house in Southampton with a surprise



Grum contemplates buying a new Truck for the business expansion plans




From his behind his Cell door (with a light peep hole), AndyC joins in the guessing game surrounding Kev Curtis and the size of his ****



National Day 2010 and WelshRS wins best modified escort of the day, many commenting how original the Justy look’s.

Frosticles agrees that being the pilot is not quite for him and settles on being a Cabin Crew member, after all, with his new gift from Wife Helen it will give him a chance to see and photograph the world, however there are concerns that he is not only easily distracted, but is a distracting influence on other member’s of the crew


Sir Ranulph Fiennes sells the Mexico after failing to get up the hill at Cader Idris
Frosty (no, not that one) the Snowman becomes new presenter for ‘The weakest link’ however there are some protests from the contestants when he requests the studio heating is turned off



and a fine month was september

[graham John]

October

October
Even though it is only October, TimRS2000 Express celebrates his 58th milestone, two months early as best friend Aled doesn’t like December, to celebrate he and Aled go for a very explosive Vindaloo in their favourite Bangor Indian restaurant ‘The ring of Fire’ with drastic consequences,
At the Ford spares Day , GazW bags himself a bargain, a new grill badge


In North Wales there are numerous reports from local residents that there is a very strong curry type flatulence smell in the air, and the smell is proving unbearable, particularly near the Ruthin sewer works.









Topaz releases cover version of the James Taylor song ‘Mexico’

AndyC attends a dalek’s convention, however quite a few bits fall of on the way there




The Taliban re act to the earlier SAS attack and buy an entire collection of Chevette HSR’s, however cam belt failures, broken diffs, and failing wheel bearings ensured that the reprise was to no avail, news reporter Orla Guerin reported that it reminded her of the 1980 circuit of Ireland.


MI5 and the M.O.D respond to the possible terrorist reaction and relax their decision on NUB being used on the front line, in preparation; AndyC does a spanner check with his nearly new Halfords 32 piece socket set.

At the UN all Ford spares day, Kev Curtis turns up and the president takes a guess as to the size of the ****



What a wet month that was

[graham John]

November

November
Local utilities respond with emergency procedures in the Wrexham area




Meanwhile elsewhere in North Wales, numerous sporting events are delayed due to the overpowering smell of curry flatulence







Huge ground is gained in afghanistan when 3 para attack the Taliban in NUB, the Flywheel came off in the early part of the attack and accounted for at least 8 insurgents, three rocket propelled grenades were rendered inoperative after a flying loose wheel destroyed a cave, two terrorists were boiled to death when the radiator overheated, and in bizarre circumstances a suicide bomber was hit unconscious by a low flying Austin princess calliper.
Scores of insurgents witness the attack and immediately surrender “never have we seen such a weapon of mass destruction” they cry, and appeal to the United Nations that they were only equipped for traditional warfare methods. “The infidel is truly a worthy enemy” said the al Jerez spokesman.

Frosticles attempts to guess the size of the Kev Curtis ****, having heard rumours that he could ‘soon be having it’!



The king of the jungle is crowned as Seb Loeb in ‘I’m a celebrity, get me out of here’ even though he is in fact out in the British countryside gathering Conkers. “I must find ze perfect conker to fight for the title with GazW”
Military magazine ‘Jane’s Defence weekly magazine’ feature write up on the Mk2 RS2000



The late ‘Basil Brush’s’ brother, ‘Tooth’ was spotted in Barry seeking revenge on his Brother’s death, he was spotted awaiting the arrival home of the murder suspect, and took early revenge on the suspects family pets.


November was always going to produce fireworks !

[graham John]

December

December
The New Year honours list sees ‘Father’ Steve Oggie made a MBE and in 2011 he starts his new Job as minister of tourism for Cumbria.
Frosticles and his newly formed band of Musicians play in Aleds local village Pub, The dented Roof, however the overpowering smell of curry flatulence overpowers the band and they make an unsuccessful break for fresh air



Congan Guerrilla Rebels cancel their order of ten ex Works TR7V8’s amid BL reliability rumours. UK arms expert and adviser Paul Ruddy is shocked and disappointed, not to mention broke. His spokesman, Bobby Love, commented that all along Paul knew he should have stuck to Ford Escorts.
From the lucrative proceeds of the sales of the Escort 30th anniversary books (by the way, still a couple left) Graham john books a personal performance from Morrissey to play in his Front room. Morrissey announces it as the highlight of his year, but for some reason on the night, GJ doesn’t show up.
The last of ‘Those Rocker covers’ arrive, however it is too late as most people have sold their cars, given up, moved abroad or died.
The long running TV programme ‘The weakest link’ ends when its new presenter (Frosty the Snowman) fails to return after the staff holiday to Barbados.
In recognition of his valued support of the breakdown industry, Andy C is invited to the RAC Christmas staff party and receives this Commemorative picture



Yes, it’s the Christmas sales period, and GazW goes looking for the Bargains up on the shelves



And on Christmas Day in Wednesbury ‘ RS2000xpackboy asked Custom if he could pop by and help fit the battery powered horn to his sons new bike,




The War is over in Afghanistan when scores of insurgents surrender, admitting that they were poorly equipped for combat compared to the Fleet of Taffr’s RS2000’s .Kate Adie reports that the final decision was taken to surrender when the Taliban leaders saw the Beige RS2000 and felt ill looking at it, citing hallucination and unable to continue the Cause. Bin laden is quoted as saying “if it was just signal Red, Black, or midnight blue RS’s we would still be defiant, however Beige was most unexpected”

In Wrexham, Aled is confined to working from home due to the effects of the Curry; however he has his office especially equipped out



North Korean military leaders are spotted alighting planes in Ireland, they have heard accounts and the effectiveness of the ‘weapons of mass’ destruction and believe there is a considerable stockpile in the country for sale.
Sebastian Loeb wins the X Factor and releases his Christmas single, a cover version of the ABBA song ‘The winner takes it all’, Deb’s appears on the accompanying video



Richard Wilson starts an international haulage freight business, his trucks are sign written in Korean, Iranian, and Cuban.

Following his RS2000 initiative for defence, TaffrR is announced as a hero and thousands flock back to Swansea to meet him at a falling out parade



Metallurgists discover a connection between Curry flatulence and metal components and set up a helpline for those who could be affected, at particular risk are the Vauxhall powered mutations and the elderly.




And finally, Kev Curtis reveals the size of the **** as he gives frosty the **** award again for 2010




keep the chin up lads, dont take purselves too seriously in 2010, and may i wish you all a happy new year,on this great BB



cheeRS

[grum]

GJ



a classic mate - well done .................................................. ........ you bastard !!!!!

pmsl at gazw grill badge

[Dave1800BDA]

very good graham, roll on the visit in september

[GAZ W]

Absolutly brilliant GJ